Sexy Hobo Scar
by Yuniz
Summary: In which Scar shows off his sexy hobo-ness. Oneshot, extreme OOC, implied stuff


AN: Recently, I was browsing some forums, and I saw that a nickname for Scar is "sexy hobo". I Googled it, and the results turned up similarly to what I had expected. I am not a Scar fangirl, but I just had to use "sexy hobo". Anyways, on to the story!

---

Once upon a time there lived a sexy hobo named Scar. He had a big "x" shaped scar on his forehead - that was why he was called Scar. Anyways, Scar was bored, and he wanted to take a stroll through Central. So, he did so.

"Today is too nice of a day to kill," He sighed, allowing a flock of songbirds to perch on his snow white hair.

A group of unnamed soldiers passed by Scar, apparently also taking a walk.

"Greetings, blue eyed people!" Scar smiled in a sickeningly cute way. "I shall ignore the fact that you killed my fellow Ishvallans, and I shall wave at you!" He waved, and the unnamed soldiers waved back.

"Hey, wasn't that Scar, the killer, revenge seeker, and puppy torturer?" One of the unnamed soldiers suddenly said after Scar had passed them.

"No, that wasn't Scar," Said a different unnamed soldier. "That was a sexy hobo,"

And truly, on this fine spring day, Scar was not a killer, a revenge seeker, or a puppy torturer - no, he was merely a sexy hobo.

As he continued his walk, he came across Fuhrer Bradley and his son, Selim. The pair also appeared to be taking a walk.

"Well, if it isn't a sexy hobo," The Fuhrer chuckled.

"Daddy, can I touch him?"

Bradley opened his mouth to gently reprimand his son, but Scar interrupted.

"Little boy, you may touch me,"

Selim squealed. He held out a hand and slowly felt the sexy hobo's pant leg, then quickly retracted back.

"Ah, small children," Scar smiled. "They can be so amusing,"

"Yes, yes," The Fuhrer replied.

Scar consulted his sexy hobo time telling powers. "Oh, I am afraid that the hour is getting late. I must make me some merry with others before dusk makes its entrance,"

Fuhrer Bradley smiled. "I understand,"

"Ta-ta, Braddie!"

"Ta-ta!"

Scar watched the Fuhrer leave with his giddy son. He turned around and went off to unleash his sexy hobo-ness on some other people.

---

"This is so big," Winry said, holding a large ice cream cone. She and the Elric brothers were in Central, standing outside of an ice cream shop.

"That's what she said," Ed cracked up, slapping his brother's metal arm. He took a vicious chomp off his top scoop.

Winry sighed and began to walk off. Al and Ed quickly ran after her.

"So, what were we talking about earlier?" asked the mechanic, looking down at Ed. However, he wasn't paying attention to her, instead paying attention to his ice cream cone. Al did not reply to her either. He had a dazed expression on his face, or as dazed an expression as a tin can could manage.

Suddenly, Ed bumped into something solid and sexy.

"Edward Elric..."

The small alchemist looked up to see none other than Scar, professional sexy hobo.

"A sexy hobo..." Ed gasped. "I never knew..."

"Your sexiness overwhelms me..." Winry slowly said. "And you're a hobo too...what a combination,"

"Scar," Al cried out, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you...I want to be a sexy hobo!"

The Ishvallan smiled. "Young children, follow your dreams, and one day they shall become realities," He walked off with a sexy hobo swagger. Ed and Al's jaws fell to the ground. Their eyes were fixed on the sexy hobo's swaggering form, and the dominating sway that came with it.

"Hey," said Winry, "Are you two fantasizing about Scar?"

The brothers chose not to answer - or rather, could not answer.

"You're hopeless," She sighed, taking a lick of her ice cream. "Why do I even hang out with you?"

"I'm paying you to fix my automail," Ed reminded her.

"I serve as the moderator between you and Brother,"

Winry sighed again. "Come on, you two," They headed off into the sunset.

---

Scar frowned. The sun was going down. Even though he had to admit the sunset was beautiful, its arrival meant that the day was almost over. Plus, he did not like the cold - Ishval had been a dry desert, and that sort of climate suited him fine. Central's nights were cold, with wind biting at your tender meat. "Oh well, the nights are always hotter than the days anyways,"

He entered a club that was eloquently named CLUB SEXY HOBO, and went to the bar to down a few drinks.

"Gimme the strongest thing you've got!" The sexy hobo exclaimed rather arrogantly.

There were cheers and jeers from the other patrons of the club.

"Is that Scar?" Riza Hawkeye said, looking over the heads of others. "Why is he here?"

Roy Mustang shrugged. He felt the engagement rock in his pocket and wondered if he should propose now.

The bartender gave Scar a knowing look. "Your type come in here all the time, looking for something strong, and the next thing you know, they're on a stretcher, their next destination being the hospital,"

"Oh, I can handle any alcohol," Scar confidently said. "I'm a sexy hobo,"

"Suit yourself,"

A glass of clear liquid was placed in front of him. He carefully picked it up and squinted an eye, trying to see if it was spiked by using his sexy hobo powers.

"You're a good man," He grinned, for the drink had passed his test. Taking the glass in both hands, he brought it to his mouth and gulped down the contents in mere seconds.

Everyone gasped at the same time.

"No way," exclaimed the bartender. "No one has ever drunk that and survived, no one,"

"Well, consider me the first," grinned Scar.

Riza's eyes went very sparkly, a sudden change from her previously accusing glare. "OH MY, THAT HOBO IS SO SEXY!"

"Wh-what?!?!" yelled Roy as he watched his true love head over to the sexy hobo.

"Scar, you are such a sexy hobo," murmured Riza lustily. "I don't know what I ever saw in Roy Mustang,"

"Well," Scar smiled at the young sniper, "Is that so,"

"Oh yes," Riza looked anxiously down at the floor, "Um...well...shall we lemon?"

"Oh, we shall!"

"HEY!" Roy yelled, though his voice could not be heard over the cheers of the other club patrons. "RIZA, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??!?!"

The two did not hear him, though, for they were engrossed in a lemon.

Roy sighed angrily and consulted his watch. It would most certainly be a long night for him...probably not so for Riza and Scar.

---

It was now morning, and the two were lying on a couch, sleeping. Actually, Scar was awake. But, he was pretending to be asleep, for Riza's sake.

He couldn't take it anymore, though. He needed to get up, get out, and show off his sexy hobo self to the entire world.

"Goodbye, darling," His sexy hobo lips touched Riza's smooth cheek.

She stirred slightly, and Scar sighed. But, a sexy hobo had to do what a sexy hobo had to do.

"Showtime," He said to himself, leaving the club and returning to the sidewalk. The sun shone down, and it was a brand new day. Scar was ready to conquer the world armed only with his sexy hobo powers.

"Yes, only with my sexy hobo powers, for I am a sexy hobo,"

---

THE END


End file.
